When I posted a poll on Instagram asking how people feel about the word “surrender,” I was genuinely surprised by the responses. It was nearly an even split: half loved it, while the other half had a visceral dislike for it. This stark division sparked a deeper curiosity in me. Why does this word evoke such strong reactions? And, more importantly, what does it mean to surrender, particularly in the context of childbirth?
For some, surrender signifies weakness, giving up, or a loss of control. For others, it represents trust, flow, and freedom. When it comes to childbirth, the art of surrender isn’t about defeat. It’s about finding strength in letting go and embracing the journey, however it unfolds.
Sinking Into Sensations
Childbirth is a deeply physical experience. Waves of sensations, sometimes overwhelming, course through the body as labor progresses. These sensations, while intense, are powerful reminders of the body’s incredible capability. To surrender in this context means sinking into those sensations rather than resisting them. It’s about allowing the body to do its work without letting fear or tension take hold.
By tuning into the rhythm of each contraction and focusing on the breath, birthing individuals can find moments of peace even amidst the intensity. Surrendering to the sensations isn’t about silencing discomfort but accepting it as part of the transformative process.
Letting Go of “Should”
“I should have a natural birth.” “I should feel strong and empowered.” “I should be able to stick to my birth plan.”
The word “should” can weigh heavily on those preparing for childbirth. It creates expectations that may not align with reality, setting the stage for feelings of disappointment or failure.
Surrendering involves releasing these “shoulds” and embracing the unpredictability of birth. Every labor is unique, and plans often need to shift as circumstances evolve. By letting go of rigid expectations, there is room to adapt, grow, and fully engage with the experience as it unfolds.
Adapting and Embracing Change
Childbirth is nothing if not a lesson in adaptability. From the timing of labor to the progression of delivery, surprises are the norm rather than the exception. Surrendering to the process means embracing change rather than fighting it.
This doesn’t mean abandoning agency or decision-making. Instead, it’s about finding balance: staying informed and advocating for your needs while also trusting the process and the support around you. Embracing change is about recognizing that flexibility is a form of strength, not a sign of weakness.
Trusting the Process
At its core, surrender is an act of trust. It’s trusting the wisdom of your body, the guidance of your care team, and the support of loved ones. But most importantly, it’s about trusting yourself. The journey of childbirth is a reminder that surrendering isn’t about losing control—it’s about choosing to flow with the experience rather than against it.
For those who struggle with the word “surrender,” perhaps reframing it can help. Think of surrender as softening rather than yielding, as leaning into trust rather than giving up. It’s an art—one that requires courage, presence, and grace.
Final Thoughts
The concept of surrender will never be universally loved, and that’s okay. Childbirth, after all, is as much about individuality as it is about shared experiences. Whether you embrace the word or not, the principles of surrender—trust, adaptability, and letting go—can serve as powerful guides through the unpredictable, transformative journey of birth.
How do you feel about the word “surrender”? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Share your perspective in the comments or join the conversation on Instagram.